A New Low

Oh. My. Gosh. I don't even know where to start in relating the events that transpired yesterday. You know, I really pride myself in not feeling embarrassed about stupid things I do or say, or that happen to me. But this time is different...

So we have been really couped up in the house unpacking, and I realized we really needed a nice vacation from our problems. What better way to get out of the house when you are still a one car family, than to walk to park? Great idea. We walked over the best, most beautiful park in the area, which is really sad since I won't be able to show my face there, at least for a few years. Usually no one is there, so we didn't get all dressed up. I even let Laine dress herself so she was looking a little orphanish. Gabe was also not dressed to impress, I grabbed the first shorts and shirt I could find, which ended up being too small and a very boring color combo.

All of this didn"t stop us from having a great time at the park. Many other families showed up, including two with Dads which was strange. We chatted and visited while the kids played until we'd all been there for over an hour. That's when I decided it would be a good idea to swing with Gabe. Everything was going swimmingly, and we were both really enjoying it. But as we swung higher and higher I really started to space out. Just as we were on an uphill climb, I leaned back a little too far and all of the sudden I am flying end over end, doing a complete 180. Gabe smacks face down on the ground, but I am still hanging on, upside down, as I swing over him, mashing him into the ground, then swinging back over mashing him again, then a third mash before I too am finally flung from the swing. He has been screaming bloody murder since he flew off the swing, so as if a grown woman flying off a swing isn't enough to draw attention, Gabe sure drew the crowds.

In a matter of 3 seconds, all of my pride was destroyed and I don't think I will ever be the same. The ground at this particular park is those wood chips, so we were both covered in debris. Everyone is staring and I am just praying that I really did not just do that. I really don't know if I am fully describing how utterly ridiculous it is to not just fall off of a swing, but to completely flip off of it mid air and all but crack your baby's ribs in the process.

So now I am sitting there wondering what to do next. I can't just leave, because then they would all know I am a true coward. My legs actually killed and I think I might have pulled something. Yet, I just sat there in pain, pretending nothing had happened despite the fact that Gabe had gator tears and dirt all over his face. I shoved some food and drink at him and we sat there in silence with the hugest elephant in the park, while everyone looked at me with pity. They also tried to get closer to me to get a good look into my eyes to see if I had been drinking. I am actually surprised that no one pulled out a breathalyser, or called child protective services to come assess the situation. To make matters worse, one of the Dad's was Mr. Overly Protective and Cautious Guy. I, on the other hand, am obviously the fun, free sprited parent, who lives life on the edge. I could literally feel him thinking "well, look where all that fun and free spiritness gets you"...

After a half hour of living it down, I decided it would be an appropriate time to make our exit. So, with my grace and dignity, I limped out of the park and came home. On the way home I used the last notch on my cell phone to call Ben and relate the events, hoping some one would help me to laugh at the situation. When I got home I felt around in my pocket for my key, and yeah, it was of course gone. Not only did the swing rob me of my pride, my key must have fallen out of my pocket as I sailed through the air. I was so mad! I now had no cell phone, which normally wouldn't be that big of a problem, just borrow some one's phone, great idea! Well, it is if you know the phone number to call, which I don't. That's right, I don't know Ben's cell phone or work number because the prefixes are really weird here so I just put it on my cell and call speed dial.

So now I am really stranded until he comes home. I sat and thought about trying the back doors, but had to chuckle to myself that that very morning I had discovered that one of them that we never use, had been unlocked for probably the last 6 weeks or whenever we used it last. So I resolved to change my ways and made sure every last door was locked before I left. After about 5 minutes of laughing at the irony, I walked over and stared at the door, wanting, wishing to just go inside and just die. That's when I realized that the key was never in my pocket, I had forgotten to take it out of the lock before we left. It was staring me back in the face.