The Second Installment in the "I'm an Idiot" Series

I had a bad day again...I love that song.... What I don't love is being an idiot and being wrong. Pride is some nasty, awful medicine to swallow. I have come up to the computer to post several times in the past few days, I've even opened up the new post page and just stared at it, wondering what to say. I get mad writer's block when I am depressed. Has anyone ever made a huge fool of themselves publicly and in a way that you couldn't take back? I'll start from the top.

I started Hot Garlic as a way to keep track of my own recipes and so I wouldn't have to email my recipes out to a few of my friends and family that had requested I do so. It has been so fun and is really growing, which has been really exciting. I decided I wanted to get involved in more things food, and I heard that recipe forums were a great place to start. It wasn't like I wanted to just plaster myself and my blog all over the place like some ink cartridge toner refill place. But I had never participated in a forum, and only realize now how confused I was as to what it was. I thought it was more like a digital advertisement or message board kind of a thing where you just post whatever you want that you think people might be interested in, and ask questions too of course.

So I went to the forum on a site recipezaar.com, and introduced myself and my blog. I had been involved on a few other sites before, and the reception had been warm and welcoming. I usually get great feedback back, with the occasional constructive criticism, all of which have really helped me to shape my blog into more of what I want it to be. Either way it has been fun to put myself out there and connect with people on a positive level.

So I introduced myself and Hot Garlic on the newcommers forum and met some great people who were welcoming as I had expected. I was encouraged, and the next day I thought I would post in some other categories. I found a recipe request forum. I saw that someone had done a shameless plug for their new recipe she was asking for other shameless plugs, so I listed my blog. I was then inspired to do a new thread of my own, and went and made a post about my blog, thinking this was the kind of thing that was perfectly expected and welcomed. I thought I was on a site full of hungry foodies looking for more, looking for what else is out there, looking for new ideas. It was really exciting.

Or, at least until I got my first email that said one of my posts on the forum had received a response. I quickly and excitedly clicked to open and see what had been said. I couldn't wait! I wasn't prepared to see the forum host calling me out, chiding me publicly for my shameless self-promotion. There it was, undeletable, in full view of everybody, and staring me in the face. It was like a kick in the teeth and a punch in the gut all at once.

Now that I realize what forums are and how they are used, I see things so clearly from her perspective. They must get this kind of thing all of the time, I think it can be a common misconception for many people. But isn't there a better way to handle these people than to humiliate them? I wrote back and it was smoothed over a bit, but I still was so sad that what I thought was this great idea turned out to be major drama. The next day there was another host calling me out as well, she even wrote "no thanks" to my blog at the end of her reply with a cute little winking emoticon next to it. It was so snide {she may have not meant it that way} and it was again like a personal attack.

It has been hard these past 2 days to realize how much I was in the wrong, despite my not knowing any better. I was completely ignorant to the protocol and broke the rules, but I didn't mean to or even know I was! Like I said, not only did I not think I was doing anything wrong, I thought my little advertisements would be welcome and people would be glad to find another outlet for their passion for food. To be so wrong, and be called on it, it's been completely humiliating. Especially where these are complete strangers and this is their first impression of me. They aren't like my friends or people who know me who can give me the benefit of the doubt.

I have been moping around the house for two days. But today it's done. I've allowed myself to grieve, and now I am purging myself of this. I once again can't believe how supportive Ben has been. He listened and validated me in a way no one else can. Instead of ranting about what idiots they are for getting on my case and being "rude" to me, which is not what I wanted to hear, he reitterated how easy a trap that was to fall into. He could plainly see where I was coming from, and that was all I needed. It is so great to have such a level-headed sounding board who doesn't get all riled up in drama. He is a great diffuser.

Anyway, it's been painful to say the least. Please tell me some one else out there has had to swallow their pride and claim defeat at some point in their life. Isn't harsh criticism combined with having to realize you were wrong almost the worst feeling in the world. We all just want to be loved and accepted for who we are. We want people to think the things we do and say are great. To hear that someone thinks otherwise is really, really hurtful. Any thoughts or stories? I'd love to wallow with someone else besides myself.